A scene from Chapter One!
Why do you write?
I’ve been asked this question recently. I started writing around 13 or 14 as a way to pass time between classes. My best friend and I took turns writing sections or chapters, based on our characters. In fact, my first book, Deceived, was based on real life people and those we had crushes on at that time. They always say; write what you know. For some reason, it was always easier to write about high school experiences but in today’s day and age, even the way high schools run are different from when I went almost 15 years ago.
My first book was my senior project even though it wasn’t finished but I gave outlines and general descriptions about the book, characters, and what would happen next. It was one of my easiest projects as it seemed I had been working on it without knowing about it.
Fast forward to 2016, almost 17 years after starting, I finally finished it. I had looked, revised, re-wrote, scrapped, almost through away, over those years, until I put my foot down and decided it was time to end it. After that, it went to beta readers and editors, each adding something unique as to why certain things happened. Some didn’t understand the character dynamics or thought some of the conversations weren’t realistic. It’s fiction, isn’t it? I have been writing these characters most of my life and sometimes it’s hard to move on from them because you get attached. You feel like they are your friends and it would feel wrong to desert them.
Now in a few short weeks, it will be in the hands of one of my fellow authors/editors, Mountains Wanted Publishing. Once the first book is completed and ready for publications, I’m hoping to submit the next book, if I can get into the writing groove and finish it. My 2nd book is more of an erotica nature as the scenes I know how to write are of the sexual nature. Fighting and sex have always been the easiest for me to do since growing up, fighting was all that happened between my “father” and I. You will see this dynamic in Deceived and how, even today, I still hold a grudge against him. Yes, I have daddy issues so it is the best way for me to write what I know.
Remember to follow the process on Facebook along with teasers for my next novel, currently titled Love or Lust. I will also be posting some on the next few posts. Love or Lust starts in present time and each chapter following is a flashback, going into detail why things are the way they are. It is a different concept for me as it’s easier to write in present tense than past. This book is also based off people I know and may incorporate some things that have happened in my personal life. You will see a theme between books, even chapters, depending on what is going on personally or what feelings I may have. It’s been a tumultuous last few months so it will reflect in my writing. Maybe I’m better at writing when I’m mad or sad, same as cleaning.
I will also be starting a newsletter with updates as they occur so if you wish to be a part of it, please contact me.
Why Do People Make You Feel Bad because You Want to be Happy?
A couple of weeks ago, I ended up in the hospital. The night before I started having shooting pains in the back of my arms. They subsided and went away. Not thinking anything of it, I went back to sleep and got everybody ready for the morning. After picking my mother in law up to run some errands, I started feeling nauseous, lightheaded, pains in my arms and legs, my heart was racing, my chest hurt and my vision started getting blurred. After dropping her off and lugging 3 kids with me, I drove myself to the Emergency Room. As I got everyone out of the car, my legs got shakier, making it painful to walk. I started crying as a lady coming out of the hospital had to grab a wheelchair to pull me in. Scared doesn’t begin to describe how I felt.
After answering some questions, they took me back to a room to change so I could get hooked up to the heart monitor. Everything looked good, blood pressure was a little elevated but everything looked normal. They drew some blood to rule anything out and the nurses came in to check on me. We started talking and they told me I probably had an anxiety attack. They ended up giving me some medication to see if that was the issue and it seemed to work. Blood test came back normal, my blood sugar is little high but nothing to be concerned about. My husband came to pick the kids up, having almost getting thrown out by security. Yeah, they’re that bad!
After that, I tried to rest when possible and tried not to get myself stressed out about everything. This past weekend, I was able to reflect on the past 2 weeks. Trying to figure out what happened, I realized in trying to making everyone happy, I was slowly killing myself. I stopped exercising since I neither had the time or energy to do it. I was getting headaches everyday and the kids weren’t making it any easier. Being with them 24/7, trying to take care of my mother in law and my own house, I realized I can’t do it all. I try to to make everyone happy. Even if I ended up having a mild heart attack, nothing would’ve changed. It would’ve stayed the same and it would end up killing me.
Instead, I had an epiphany after that and this past weekend. I needed to do what made me happy. I started back on 21 Day Fix because it’s only 30 minutes and less strenuous on my muscles. I started getting more vegetables and fruit in and laying off the caffeine. I started taking more naps or just walking away from stressful situations.
My husband and I had a long talk about our relationship, kids, and the rest of the family dynamic. I won’t go into much detail because we are still working on a course of action.
In the end, I have to do what makes me happy and will not kill me. If that means I go away for a few hours or a few days, I will do it. I don’t care if my family doesn’t understand it but if they want to stay alive, I need to do things right.
Below are a few quotes I found while surfing the web that have summed up my feelings as of now. I’ll be fine but moving forward, it’s all about me.