Why Do People Make You Feel Bad because You Want to be Happy?
A couple of weeks ago, I ended up in the hospital. The night before I started having shooting pains in the back of my arms. They subsided and went away. Not thinking anything of it, I went back to sleep and got everybody ready for the morning. After picking my mother in law up to run some errands, I started feeling nauseous, lightheaded, pains in my arms and legs, my heart was racing, my chest hurt and my vision started getting blurred. After dropping her off and lugging 3 kids with me, I drove myself to the Emergency Room. As I got everyone out of the car, my legs got shakier, making it painful to walk. I started crying as a lady coming out of the hospital had to grab a wheelchair to pull me in. Scared doesn’t begin to describe how I felt.
After answering some questions, they took me back to a room to change so I could get hooked up to the heart monitor. Everything looked good, blood pressure was a little elevated but everything looked normal. They drew some blood to rule anything out and the nurses came in to check on me. We started talking and they told me I probably had an anxiety attack. They ended up giving me some medication to see if that was the issue and it seemed to work. Blood test came back normal, my blood sugar is little high but nothing to be concerned about. My husband came to pick the kids up, having almost getting thrown out by security. Yeah, they’re that bad!
After that, I tried to rest when possible and tried not to get myself stressed out about everything. This past weekend, I was able to reflect on the past 2 weeks. Trying to figure out what happened, I realized in trying to making everyone happy, I was slowly killing myself. I stopped exercising since I neither had the time or energy to do it. I was getting headaches everyday and the kids weren’t making it any easier. Being with them 24/7, trying to take care of my mother in law and my own house, I realized I can’t do it all. I try to to make everyone happy. Even if I ended up having a mild heart attack, nothing would’ve changed. It would’ve stayed the same and it would end up killing me.
Instead, I had an epiphany after that and this past weekend. I needed to do what made me happy. I started back on 21 Day Fix because it’s only 30 minutes and less strenuous on my muscles. I started getting more vegetables and fruit in and laying off the caffeine. I started taking more naps or just walking away from stressful situations.
My husband and I had a long talk about our relationship, kids, and the rest of the family dynamic. I won’t go into much detail because we are still working on a course of action.
In the end, I have to do what makes me happy and will not kill me. If that means I go away for a few hours or a few days, I will do it. I don’t care if my family doesn’t understand it but if they want to stay alive, I need to do things right.
Below are a few quotes I found while surfing the web that have summed up my feelings as of now. I’ll be fine but moving forward, it’s all about me.