Posted in Love

When Do You Know It’s Time To Move On?

This title could mean many things. This will be in regards to a relationship. I’ve been in my current relationship for 15 years. I got engaged after a year and married after 3 years. Looking back through old diaries, even when I was in the early stages on my relationship, I was having doubts. I had doubts after I got engaged and looking back on my wedding day, looking at my husband through the blinders, I thought about running. I coughed it up to cold feet and as they say, the rest is history.

Five months after getting married and buying a house, I was having doubts about our future. I didn’t know if I wanted to be with him anymore much less have children with him. I decided to push through and here were are 12 years and 3 children later. The basis of most of our problems has always been our communication issues. I think once we had kids, communication went downhill. Most of the responsibility went on me, tending the kids, house, making sure everyone was fed and clothed. When our first daughter was a year and a half, we had separated twice, for 2 weeks each. I moved most of my clothing with a baby to my mom’s to figure out my future. I missed him in the those weeks. Nothing changed but I missed my husband. Fast forward 2 more years, we were living at my mom’s and ended up separating again for a month. I was in a dark place having lost my job and feeling depressed and alone.

He moved back home and we shortly got pregnant with Baby #2. I know what you’re thinking, a baby doesn’t fix a broken relationship. My thinking was it would. Needless to say by Baby #3, things went from bad to worse. I found myself keeping a lot of issues bottled up and moving through the day like a zombie. To this day, I still do.

Despite multiple sitdowns and talks, saying things would change and get better, things have either stayed the same or have gone out the window. I found myself bargaining with God every night to help show me the way, sending signs or any wisdom to help me make decisions. In doing so, I made an appointment with a therapist to help me find out if it’s me or him. I know I have a lot of excess baggage from my childhood that hasn’t all been resolved but at least I’m making the effort to change.

In closing, I’ve also contacted a divorce lawyer to find out my options in case it comes to that decision. Do I stay in my relationship for the kids, another 16 years until my youngest is old enough, or do I get out now and enjoy the rest of my 30’s? Everyone deserves to be happy and it’s high time I decide when that is.

 

 

 

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Posted in Love

Are You In A Rut?

After watching this week’s episode of 9-1-1, I am in a rut. Let me rephrase, it’s more like a trench I can’t get out of. We get so complacent with our life, sometimes we don’t feel like it’s a rut.

After these past few years, I can, without a doubt, say I’m in a rut. Working, staying at home, it’s all the same routine. I get up, get 2 of the kids off to school, try to scarf down a hot breakfast and coffee, do chores while my 2 year old runs amuck, lunch, more chores, kids home from school, snack, dinner, some TV (if no more chores) then it’s off to bed to do the same thing over again. So far for 10 years that’s all I’ve done. No wonder my health started to deteriorate.

In those times, I tried to take care of myself. Despite losing 30lbs after my 1st from 2 days personal trainer and 5 days gym, it put me in the hospital, sidelined for 6 weeks. After that, I was never the same. When I get that much momentum going, it’s hard to stop. I’ve tried to get it going again but something always comes up. Kids, phone, dog, appointments, business. I know they shouldn’t be excuses but they were. On top of all that, taking care of my sick mother in law didn’t help which later got me another hospital visit for anxiety.

I’ve found myself talking to GOD a lot. Thank Him for what I can and asking for answers and signs for others. I may delve into it later, as it requires a whole lot of soul searching and hard decisions.

I know most people would kill to be in the rut I am with a house to take care of and kids who demand my attention. But I long for the days of peace and quiet. The 2 minutes to go to the bathroom or jump in a shower without one of them accompanying me. Being able to soak in an epsom salt bath because my body is sore without someone knocking on the door, needing something. Getting a good night sleep so I can face the next day. Ah, sleep. What is that again?

So I ask again, are you in a rut? Maybe you’re just starting to dig in or trying to escape alive. Just remember don’t lose yourself in the process. They don’t bring this up in marriage counseling now do they?

That’s my soapbox for now. Depending on which kid irritates me next, there may be a slew of new material coming.

Posted in Shopping

What Much Is Your Debt?

As I sit on hold with Capital One and look at my spreadsheet, I’m a little under $19,000 in debt. This includes 3 settlements, one of which I’m trying to update, and some personal loans for upcoming surgery (another post). This number is daunting but I’m pushing to have this cleared out in under 2 years. Since we paid off our car loan, I’m using that extra money to put towards these bills. I’ve been following the Dave Ramsey method, starting with the small amounts and working up to the big ones. We have $1,000 in emergency and I’ve paid off all the little ones from doctors. dentist and fuel bills. I am disgusted I allowed this to go on for so long but as we get closer to putting our house up for sale, these debts needs to be paid off as quickly as possible.

As I enter 1 hour and 30 minutes on hold, I get the replay that we are experiencing high call volumes, thank you for your patience. I never know if that is the truth or if people are too lazy to pick up the phone. To me, this is bad customer service. A customer should never be on hold more than 5 minutes for anything. I called to get current totals and to change my monthly payment. In order to do that, they have to transfer to a different department. All just to change payments, which should only take a minute.  What is it I will have patience to be on hold but lack patience in other aspects?

1 hour and 50 minutes later, everything is squared away to remove these 2 debts in 6 months and 16 months, instead of 4-5 years. These payments will be hard at first but once they are done, they’re done. I’m trying to eliminate all credit card use and only use cash. I keep one card active, as a backup, as I don’t want to use all our inheritance money. That money is for our next house and will be taken out and put into CD’s to help recover what we’ve lost.

I should have taken care of this years ago instead of letting it get worse and worse, dragging my credit score with it. I was so desperate for relief that I went with a debt collection agency. They told me to stop making payments, as most have to be 6 month behind before settlements can occur. In that time frame, my credit score dropped over 100 points and restricted any type of loan that I would need in the future. As I’m slowly paying things off and pulling my reports monthly, the score is slowly climbing. I am also working with¬†Self Lender, Self Lenders get credit monitoring and the opportunity to apply for a credit builder account. A credit builder account can help you establish credit history and save money in a safe, responsible way as the CD is FDIC insured. This will also creditors to see that I am being responsible and should be able to apply for loans in the future. I’m nowhere near where I need to be to be financial secure on my own. Every type of loan is through my husband so technically I don’t own anything, except the deed to the house. I have no financially responsibility for it but that’s another blog post on a whole different issue.

Bottom line, if you are desperate to get out of debt, create a budget and eliminate unnecessary spending. We shop at discount food stores, clothes from Goodwill, subscribe to Netflix and Hulu, and only have mortgage, electric, internet and fuel (winter) as our main expenses. Any money made gets towards debt and savings, if possible. I try to teach my kids if they want something, they have to work to get it. I try to sell whatever I can, a few dollars is a few dollars.

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