Posted in Writing

Tentative Description for Love or Lust

As I’m getting ready to finish writing this book, I have attached a tentative description of the book. It may be tweaked for final production but let me know what you think and if you would read it based on this description.

Have you ever wondered if it was love or lust? Is there a distinction between the two? Can you have both? According to Kate McGrady, she never thought she would meet someone to lust after even yet be lusted after. Enter Damien Michaelson, the man that would change everything. Never did Kate think she would meet someone that made her mouth water, legs shake, and have her dirty mind on repeat. Could it be love and happily ever after or is her body just lusting after the fact that he is someone else’s husband?

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Posted in Love

When enough is not enough…

I don’t know where to begin. It’s been a trying month since the last time I posted. I will get around to posting my Liift4 results in another post but this one will gear toward relationships, either with your significant other or your family.

Since my last post, I have finished my 3 days a week Realtor training and set to go full on selling mode. With that, I am also running 4 online business, trying to get through my Medical Billing & Coding classes and working to finish Love or Lust. With all that going on, apparently I’m not allowed to spend the money that is the joint account.

Everyone knows I stay at home with my 3 year old. I don’t have a lot of money coming in but I have something. Any money that comes in should go straight to providing for the kids and my husband. I should not be getting my hair/nails done or buying myself something sexy. Behind my back, they are commenting that I’m spending my husband’s money when I do things for myself.

I also explained to my husband that when someone goes through surgery, like I did, a lot of relationships don’t last. Since your nerves are firing up again, you feel different. For me, my self confidence went from the floor to the ceiling. Even though he loved me no matter what size I was, I didn’t love myself. Now that I can fit into my smaller clothes and it’s a lot more enjoyable to try clothes on, I want this feeling to last. I should not have to put myself back down on the totem pole so everyone else can be wanted.

Which brings me to my next point…since my scar has been been disappearing and I was feeling good, I decided to do a boudoir session with my photographer who took my business pictures. She hired a make-up artist who dolled me up and tried on the different pieces of lingerie, bra/panty sets and whatever else she had laying around. It was before Valentine’s Day so we had hearts and rose petals, soft music and soft lighting. It was a lot of fun and the pictures I’ve seen, they turned out amazing. I decided to post some of them, not revealing too much but apparently given my profession, nobody needs to see it. It sends the wrong message and can bring about the wrong type of clients.

After doing this session and my photographer who works with models, I decided I wanted to model on the side. Something that can bring some cash in and I’d have a lot of fun doing it. Apparently the camera likes me. I also post a lot of my health and fitness in my sports bra so I thought about creating a new page just for the modeling and health and fitness. Bare in mind that the majority of the people that would follow and support me would also be potential clients in the future. I have my personal page and my professional one but apparently I am not supposed to commingle my other projects. It’s been a crap shoot and some how I haven’t chewed anyone’s head off…yet.

And to add further misery to my life, once we decide on the divorce, we plan on still living together, for the kids sake. It will save on alimony and child support until I can get myself back on my feet. If that’s the case and I’m still not making a lot of money, I’m not allowed to have finance my dates or trips I want to take. As long as I would be staying under his roof, taking care of his kids and the house, I am not allowed to date until I have my own money to fall back on. See where I’m heading here…

Which brings me back to the modeling. My mother asked what is it with sex? Everything I do or pictures that I take have some sexual connotation to it. She brought up my father, refer back to the post about Harvey Weinstein, which I talked about my childhood. She wanted to know what he did to me that made me turn out this way. It’s been 18 years since their divorce and probably 15 years since I last saw him. She still brings him up when we talk about the subject. It has nothing to do with him. I’m a sexual person, I enjoy it, and I shouldn’t be ashamed of liking it.

She is afraid with everything that is going on, I’ll revert back to my old ways of sleeping my way through the county, which I didn’t, if you were wondering. She said bringing every Tom, Dick and Harry around the kids was not going to be good for them and would set a bad example to the girls. I reiterated to her that only serious relationships would the kids be brought it but I also shouldn’t have to sneak around until I find my prince charming.

Confused enough yet? You’re not the only one. Apparently, my life is not my own. I am supposed to follow in whatever footsteps others want me to. They forget, 2019 is the year of me. The last 15 years have been about everyone else. It’s my time. My time to shine. My time to turn the page. My time to see the world through Diamond Eyes! Which is a Shinedown reference and I’ll get into them a little later after seeing an amazing show last night.

Tell me your thoughts. Have you gone through this before? Do you have people like this in your life? You can’t get rid of all the negative people in your life but you can start chopping them down one by one.

Posted in News

My take on Harvey Weinstein

If you’ve been living under a rock these last few months, allegations came out against Harvey Weinstein and a slew of other Hollywood directors about sexual misconduct among actors and actresses. This is what started the #metoo campaign. There was a lot of support for the men and women who came forth and also a lot of backlash wondering why it took so long for them to come forward.

As a fellow survivor, I understand why these men and women didn’t come forward. For a lot of them, it could’ve made or broke their careers. In today’s day and age of technology and social media, it is easier for this information to come out.

In my case, it was the early 90’s and this sort of thing was taboo. Luckily I wasn’t assaulted but I was abused.  I was 8 when this happened and the system failed me as a child. Granted, I give Children & Youth the benefit of the doubt as this stuff is not easy to handle. Especially when you have 2 people giving conflicting results. In my case, they couldn’t determine who was lying and who was telling the truth. That can be said in this day and age. What everyone needed was proof. At 8, I didn’t think about writing down everything that happened. My mindset was he was doing this because he loved me. In reality, it is all about control, especially when it’s a younger woman and an older male. My abuse went on for 7 years before I was able to do anything about it. The abuser: my father.

I was 15 when I put my foot down and put a stop to it. When my parents divorced, I stayed with him on the weekends. At first, everything was fine, we got along and hung out with his neighbors. It wasn’t until one night he told me something disturbing that I did for him while under the influence of marijuana. I didn’t remember anything and was disgusted to think that something happened. That’s when the floodgates opened and I went all Hannibal Lecter on him. I went through the long laundry list of things he did to me, of course, him denying everything. He gave me the phone to call the police but instead I ran to a friend’s house that lived around the corner until my mother could pick me up. That was my final straw to go back to the police and put him away.

For a lot of women, facing their accuser is a terrifying idea. I couldn’t imagine if I was in the public eye and having to do this. It takes a lot of support and courage to sit through and recall all the horrible things that happen. He was in jail on an unrelated charge so to see him sit there shaking his head every time I went into detail was a knife digging into my back.

Since statue of limitations had passed, there wasn’t much they could do. I got a restraining order for 6 months and he had to stay 500ft away from me. That fear went with me every time I went to a gas station, shopping center or grocery store. Luckily, I never had to see him again my uncle got married in 2006. We were cordial but if I didn’t have to be near him, I wasn’t. I only saw him a handful of times after that and haven’t seen him since.

As I had kids, I thought about forgiving him and letting him get to know his grandchildren. Then I think back to everything that happened, what he put me and my family through, and the destruction that was left in the aftermath. Not only does it hurt the victim, it hurts everyone around them. I applaud Harvey’s wife to separate from him while this is going on. I couldn’t imagine being with someone that did stuff like this to countless others, thinking it was okay because of who they were.

If you have a hard time believing someone that they say something happened, imagine yourself in their shoes. Imagine the courage it takes, the backlash that occurs and the loss of family and friends. Abuse or assault should never be tolerated and if it happens to you, speak up. It doesn’t matter if you are a child, young adult or an adult. Have a support system intact to help you through, go to the police and bring your abuser to justice.

Even after my father remarried, I don’t know if he ever touched or hurt another person again. It sickens me to think if he did and when these stories come up in the news, it makes me go back to this. I was a lot stronger than a lot of women, even at 8 or 15. The law may not be on your side but if enough happens, someday you’ll be able to sleep in peace knowing your accuser had what was coming to them.

Posted in Fitness

Week 4 Liift4 Results

Below are my before and after 4 week results into the 8 week Liift4 program. So far I am loving it. I’m more of a weights vs cardio girl but since my surgery, jumping around has become easier.

  Before After
Chest 42.5 42
R. Arm 14 13
L. Arm 12 13
Waist 47 44
Hips 48 47
R. Thigh 27 24
L. Thigh 26 24
     
Total Weight 231.2 235.4 (+4.5)
Total Inches Lost 216.5 207.0 (-9.5”)

Yes I did gain some weight but I believe it was all muscle. I still watched what I ate but still enjoyed desserts and soda. I’m still trying to wean off the caffeine but sometimes I just need it. Life is too short to deprive yourself.

I also started to notice some mini-abs coming in. Before my surgery, there was no way my abs would have come through. They needed to be sewn back together in order to flourish. Now when I suck it in, they pop out. I have Joel to thank for it. 10 weeks after my surgery, and I am becoming the incredible shrinking woman. Never in a million years did I think I would feel as great as I do. After Liift4, I will probably do Transform 20 or another round of 80 days obsession. I have a gala in March, wedding in June and reunion in August to look forward to so I will use those to keep myself accountable. This will be the first year I will try a bikini so I want those abs to really pop.

Since I’ve been in training, I’ve had to get up a hour earlier which pushes me to get my workout in. I don’t want to go through 6 hours of training to come home to do it since that is my time to get my other projects done. I actually feel a lot better when 7am rolls around. Workout, showers, dressed and breakfast are done so I can focus on getting the kids ready and out the door by 8. I’m not a morning person at all but I’m hoping to keep this momentum going to getting more things accomplished.

Are you a morning person? Has your routine/mood changed? Let me know your thoughts.

Posted in Fitness, Food

I am an Organisource Ambassador!

My sexy momma coffee! I currently add this to my morning coffee to help keep me full between meals and it helps with my scar healing. I am starting to get into the influencing on Instagram and will only promote healthy products that work or assist with overall health. I’m all for trying new products to assist with weight loss and fitness along with helping your body heal from the inside out.

Any questions, leave a comment.

(Keto Collagen Chocolate with MCT Powder)

Check out the link below and use code SamanthaFair for 15% off.

Source: https://organisource.com?ref=5c2a6d0b97f39

Posted in News

Happy New Years!

I hope everyone that celebrated had a good time. I spent my NYE creating vision boards for 2019. I still have my travel and home board to make but I’m excited to start creating some goals for the new year. This year will test my faith and see how far I can take my positivity. As Hal Elrod said, can’t change it. I can’t change my past, my mistakes, my faults, I can only change my future. I’m learning to let go of a lot and embrace what life has to offer.

My next chapter hasn’t been written yet as it is still hanging on by the previous chapter. These past few days has me reflecting on my regrets and mistakes. I’ve told people how I’ve felt and it’s blown up in my face. Life is too short and if someone means something to you, tell them. We’re not guaranteed tomorrow. I say my prayers every night, thanking the Lord for protecting my family and keeping us safe. I also ask for His guidance and wisdom with everything I do. Whether it be a song on the radio, a stranger or a vision. I have a lot of questions about life and can take all the help I can get.

January will be my busiest month to date personally and professionally. I’m ready for the distractions and welcome the challenges.

Bring it!

Posted in News

What Are Your 2019 Goals?

My business coach has me watching some videos and reading some books to help me get into the right mindset. We will be working to scale my business over the next 90 days as well as build a new business model. He asked about my goals and what I hope to accomplish, hence the reading material. I have a lot of things I hope to accomplish next year, both personally and professionally. He gave me a financial goal he hopes we can achieve. It is more than I could possibly imagine so as the daydreaming goes, I think about what I would use that money for.

Among other things, I passed my Real Estate Exam and go on New Years Eve to meet with a Broker. This would be my 2nd stream of income. I am also taking a Medical Billing and Coding class so I am able to work at home. This would be my 3rd stream of income. Plus I am working on publishing my 2 books as well so hopefully I’ll have 4 streams of income coming in. I am doing everything I can possibly do to be able to support myself and give my kids the things they need. Depending on how my relationship works out, I need to be able to have my own money so I can achieve everything I want.

I started by watching a YouTube video on Vision Boards. I created two about 6 months ago, one personal, one business. I have not completed anything on those boards so I’m exciting to create a new one. I’m already all over Google and Pinterest, picking out the type of house I want, and other things I hope to do. I would love to travel as soon as I get over my fear of flying. There are so many beautiful places in this world and I would like to achieve them while I’m young.

My husband and I are still working on what we plan on doing with our relationship and if I had a timeline in place. He is hoping I wait until our youngest is in school (3 years) before I decide on ending things. I told him 1 year. I am trying to plan out my 2019 to the point where I’ll be happy and everything will fall into place.

I have decided to get out my head and start working. I have been around so much negativity this year that as the year comes to a close, I will be removing all the negative thoughts and only allowing positive vibes to come in. That will include getting rid of negative people and people that only bring me down instead of lifting me up.

Check out these links to get started on creating your goals!

Vision Board- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z45-sB3EH7Q

Hal Elrod- “The Miracle Morning”- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0uRp7BoPVY&t=3s

Posted in Fitness, News

Tummy Tuck Surgery Update- 7 weeks Post Op

December 28, 2018 was 7 weeks from my Tummy Tuck Surgery. I will post my before/after pictures as well as today’s. Since surgery, I am down 12.4lbs, 1-1/2 dress sizes and down 1 size in underwear. I have started getting rid of all my 1-2X clothes and started buying XL clothes. Each week I have gotten rid of clothes and inherited some smaller ones. I am currently a size 16 and ordered my first pair of 14W of my favorite Melissa McCarthy Seven7 Jeans. My goal is to be between a 12-14. I still have 30lbs until my goal weight. I start back to regular workouts on Monday with Liift4 so I’m excited to start lifting again. I still can’t do any ab workouts until week 8 so I will modify and do what doesn’t hurt.

When I looked in the mirror today, I realized that I made the right decision. I may have regretted it when I was in pain but as I start wearing smaller clothes and feeling better about myself, I realize it was the right thing to do. If you are still on the fence about it, just do it. Yes there may be complications along the way but there’s nothing better than the feeling of your self-esteem boosting and the glow you will exert.

Before
2 days after

As you can see, I still have a fair amount of swelling, which can go up to a year. I’ve changed my eating habits and increased my water intake. It can only go up from here. I have a wedding in June next year that I will look fabulous for and may even be able to wear a bikini, my first ever. Each year I always had a dream to be able to wear one and this time, it’s a reality.

Let me know what you think and share your before/after photos.

Posted in Writing

Chapter Thirteen Teaser!

I thought I ended it the way I wanted but after re-reading, I realized it was missing something. Now off to the next chapter which will bring us up to present day. This may be the 1st book in the series since I have ideas for a sequel. I guess it’s off to outlining to see if we will have one or not. Happy Reading!

Posted in Food

Chapter Twelve Teasers!

Check out The Inn at the Round Barn Farm in Vermont where this chapter and the next is located. When I do research for places to go in my books, I always use real places. This wasn’t always the case. It takes days, sometimes weeks, to find the perfect place. It all depends on what is happening in the story and the tiniest detail (the size of a bed) makes all the difference. I want the reader to look at those pictures and imagine themselves in the story, re-living those lines. The below picture is of the 245 acres since the season is Summer.